Detailed explanation of sex for the computer literate

Computer Sex

A detailed explanation of sex for the computer literate and real life illiterate.

Think of sex as a new protocol developed for real world communication and interaction between members of the opposite sex, much as TCP/IP allows all makes and models of computers to communicate and interface.

In this example, let's represent the woman as a Windows computer. A bit flighty, fun to look at, and occasionally does something useful. In the same way, the man will be represented as a DOS system. Not impressive looking, rough around the edges, but it can get the job done as long as you're patient.

Let's say the DOS system wants to interface with the Windows box. In this case, the two units could be in a crowded bar, represented here as a busy toking ring.

The DOS system attempts to open communication with a simple SMPT style message, in this case, HELLO. The Windows box generates a random number via an unknown internal process, and in some instances, responds with a similar HELLO message.

At other times, the Windows box fails to respond at all, either due to the initial HELLO message being lost in the network traffic, background noise, or due to internal conflicts in the Windows box's memory . In this case, let's assume the initial message was received and responded to.

The next step is a simple handshake in order to verify the connection, and to exchange hostnames and the real world version of IP addresses, known as phone numbers. These IP addresses allow later connections to be established quickly.

At this point, the two computers exchange lengthy information about themselves. In this example, the DOS system has very little system information to disclose, while the Windows box has a lengthy list of system and environment information. So our example would consist of lengthy information from the Windows box to the DOS system. The Windows box will occasionally pause to inquire about system information from the DOS system.

These inquiries also serve as keep alive messages, to ensure that the constant influx of information has not overflowed the limited memory of the DOS system and caused it to time out. The DOS system will then respond with a brief message, at which point, the Windows box is free to continue it's data transmission.

It is important to note that the DOS system must have a large amount of storage, as it will be expected to recall the transmitted information at a moment's notice, with no errors. Any errors will cause an abrupt end to communication for a period ranging from an hour or two to forever.

Let's assume that the initial handshaking and system information exchange proceed without incident, and no packet collisions (arguments) occur. The next step is a physical interface between the two computers. Usually, this is initiated by the DOS system.

The initial connection is known as a SMOOCH. (Simple Male Offering Of Carnal Happiness) Assuming the connection is accepted, it will be returned many times by the Windows box, to ensure that this critical signal is acknowledged. If it is not accepted, the Windowsbox will respond with a SLAP (Stop Leering and Pawing)

In the case of a SLAP message, the connection is abruptly closed -- Permanently !!!

In the case of a returned SMOOCH message, the two systems must be relocated to a private peer to peer network, where more secured communication will take place.

The first step is the removal of all encumbering software in order to ensure more fluid communication. The two systems then merge. There are several steps to this.

First, because both systems have been communicating freely for a while, appropriate anti-virus software must be used to ensure no infection of the opposite system. Once this software is installed, the DOS system mounts the Windows box's read-write. A high flow of data occurs, until the DOS box's buffers overflow, and the connection is terminated. (Note: The DOS system's buffer will not overflow as quickly if the speed of reading and writing is reduced. This allows a more prolonged communication.)

Finally, the DOS system unmounts. For some reason, the DOS system's hard drive has been transformed into a floppy at this point. We are still researching this phenomenon. Perhaps more robust systems will be able to maintain the hard drive status, but for now, this is beyond our reach.
At this point, the Windows box will attempt to reestablish low level communication, however, the DOS system is usually overloaded, and so within half an hour, both systems will enter a low power sleep mode.

via http://www.geekoftheday.com/geek-jokes/computer-sex.html

WTF video!!

There is a 100% chance that watching this video will make you say WTF. I also laughed my ass off.

Ticket for nothing!

So last night when I got home, I noticed that my mom's van was not in the driveway. I figured it just ment my mom was out shopping or something. I would have parked behind the other car, but now my mother leaves for work before I do. Thus, I parked on the street.

I've done it a million times before, but this morning was different.

I was about to leave for work, and lo and behold, a frikken ticket on my windshield! It's for a snow parking ban of some sort! I looked at the fee list, and now I have to fork over 30-40$ for NOTHING. There was no snow! There was no forecast for snow either!

I've seen people park on the streets in the winter all the time, and never noticed a ticket or anything!

Must have been a bored cop just strolling around at 4 am (time I got this BS ticket) and decided to screw with me. Grrr.

I'm going to try and fight this, but knowing the city it won't do much good.

We'll see what happens.

Sick of not being able to use the QUESTION MARK in Windows filenames?¿

If you're like me, you often go through many pictures, audio and video that has unique filenames describing the content of the file, and I am usually pissed when I cannot put a "?" at the end of the file and need to leave it as something like "Haddaway - What is love.mp3"

I have just found a character that's simply an upside down "?" and windows doesn't care! Now I can properly name my files.

To use it, just simply copy and paste this:    ¿    Or you can just hold down ALT and type the numbers 0191 and let go of ALT to put it in.


PS: Yes, we loflblog guys are still here, lofl. 3000 hits for the win!

Richard Dawkins - Enemies Of Reason Documentary

Yet another great documentary by one of my heros, Richard Dawkins. In this one, he tells how the countless number of superstitions and psudeo-sciences are far from just harmless fun. People are being horribly manipulated into thinking they're being made better from what is nothing more than a placebo effect. If anything, most of these things do nothing but help people make their wallets thinner.





Part 1

Part 2

The Boy With The Incredible Brain Documentary

This is the breathtaking story of Daniel Tammet. A twenty-something with extraordinary mental abilities, Daniel is one of the world’s few savants. He can do calculations to 100 decimal places in his head, and learn a language in a week. This documentary follows Daniel as he travels to America to meet the scientists who are convinced he may hold the key to unlocking similar abilities in everyone. He also meets the world’s most famous savant, the man who inspired Dustin Hoffman’s character in the Oscar winning film ‘Rain Man’.

View the video HERE.

Metroid Prime 3 – Corruption review

Metroid Prime 3 – Corruption review

WARNING – SPOILERS

First off, let me tell you my thoughts on the previous prime games: I massively loved the first game. Everything about it was so perfect. Not only did we get to reclaim all the lost powers, such as double jump, swing beam, enviro-suit, charge beam, etc, but we also got to play with all these great alternate weapons! The hot, cold and wave beams were so amazing. Aside from that, the game had a beautiful landscape that was begging to be explored and scanned (another great feature) and the music was so good I found myself sometimes just standing there listening to it and looking at the landscape. The bosses were so enjoyable to fight because they had a perfect difficulty – an equal balance of fun and challenge. The final boss of the game was so cool since you had to use your entire arsenal against it and even get a new temporary weapon to destroy it. Ah, I loved Metroid prime.

As for Metroid prime 2, I had very high expectations. I was hoping they’d be able to exceed the first game. Alas, I found myself very disappointed by the end. My main complaint was that it emphasized on one of my most hated aspect of a game – backtracking. The fact that the world was split up into two entities ala dark world vs. light world was horribly executed. In order to solve a puzzle in the light world, one had to travel to the point in the light world, figure out what needed to be changed, go to the dark world, endure the stupid darkness sapping your health (more on that in a second), find the place you needed to be, and solve the puzzle. THEN you had to go back to the light world to continue on. Blah. It was so very annoying. Speaking of annoying, the dark world’s darkness sapping your health was a horrible thing to use in a game. At first, I loved prime 2 thinking it would be just like prime 1, but after going into the dark world, oh man… trying to navigate through that shit was unbearable. At first, it made exploration almost impossible due to the massive drain on health. Sure, you’d get upgrades to be able to handle the darkness better, but I still died a good chunk of times just because I wanted to go exploring. Honestly, who thought it would be fun to be constantly sapped of health while trying to walk around and desperately having to find light beacons just so you would not DIE? Besides that, the bosses and enemies were pretty much just forgettable. I still remember very little of them or even of the game itself. All I can recall was being rather pissed at the game most of the time.

Anyways, after all that, I was hoping they’d be able to get back to greatness with prime 3. I saw all the trailers and I was anticipating it for a while. The fact that it was on the wii was a massive advantage, since I was getting so good at aiming and shooting (I got a platinum on the shooting range in Wii play and got every single trophy for the shooting range in RE4, so I am pretty good.) Finally, I got my hands on the game, and the controls, after a bit of practice were (and believe me I am not exaggerating) PERFECT. I thought the Gamecube controls were good, but these controls blew it out of the water. I almost wish pc games would adapt something like this, since I have so much fun with a light gun-like shooter rather than a mouse and keyboard. They managed to make the game so nice and smooth, it honestly felt like you were controlling it for real. Everything from aiming and shooting to the ability move and look around were all so well done. This was also the first game that I thought really used the motion sensing very well. Games like Zelda Twilight princess and Warioware were fun due to the motion sensing, but Metroid prime 3 really made it feel real/not tacked on. Though the motion movement sequences seemed a bit random, but I enjoyed using the controller as a hand. It was a fun experience, and I hope more games do like that. Really, about the only thing I did not like about the aiming was the fact that the reticle was a bit smaller and hard to see when in battle. Sometimes, I had to use the controller like a gun more than an aiming device because I’d be shooting and not seeming to hit anything, noticing that the reticle is a bit off from the target. Sigh, I suppose that’s the trade-off for the nice auto-aim system used in MP1 and 2.

One thing they really improved on other than the controls was the ball function. The ability to jump while in ball form by flipping the controller was sorely needed in the first game, and I’m glad they put in this one. (I find it weird they never mentioned it in the tutorial though…perhaps a last minute addition.) They seemed to put some more emphasis on the ball function this time around and I enjoyed them thoroughly. My only complaint was that the spider ball tracks were sort of lacking… I really liked having them in the first one. Regarding the screw attack, I loved how they implemented it in this game. After having it in prime 2, I don’t remember much of it, but I do remember getting REALLY angry at it for some reason. I seemed to have way too much trouble activating it and staying in the air for some reason. They did away with that control and made it nice and simple and fun, and really made some good areas to use it in, ala floating islands. I found myself just jumping all over the place because it was so cool. Aside from that, I enjoyed the hypermode ability. It was a great way to blast through a group of enemies as long as you did not use it all up right away or let it corrupt you into death. I also liked the enemies throwing phazon grenades at you. Oh man, a couple of times I was in a big battle and they threw one of those at me, causing me to go into hypermode, and I just thought to myself “haha, you dicks just made a big mistake” and blow them all away in a matter of seconds. The enemies in this game were pretty neat. I loved the boss battles and the regular baddies were very intelligent and would try to dodge my shots (but I was such a good aim, they barely had a chance).

The weapons were one of the few things I thought the game needed to redo. Once again, I loved how it worked in the first game, with all the different beams and such; but I did not like how they did it in this. Granted, it was not the limited ammo like in Prime 2, but it was not much better. Instead of getting new weapons to use when you wanted, you got simple upgrades that overwrote the old weapons. Ideally I would have liked a fire and ice beam, but instead we got an ice missile and a heat beam that replaced the good old regular beam. This disappointed me, since I like the regular old beam (yellow) that was used in all the previous games and the default beam I loved. Instead, I was forced for half of the game to use the fire beam, which made a strange sound when charging up that made me think an enemy was growling at me when I walked into a room. Not only that, but I was expecting a slight upgrade in power for the fire beam, but alas it was only as strong as the regular beam… tisk tisk. I suppose the justification for all this was the hypermode ability, but I don’t think it was a fair trade off, being one was temporary, the others permanent and selectable. I kept getting a bit disappointed by the fact that most of the upgrades were for the hypermode, and had an almost tacked-on feeling. Instead of really feeling like I upgraded to something that was worth having (like the ice beam being really useful against flying enemies in Prime 1) I just kept getting pretty worthless upgrades to a mode that I did not even use all that often, and most of the time they were just used to get to unlock a new area. At least at the end of the game you can stay in hypermode, however it is only a short time before you beat the game outright around that time.

The story was pretty nice. They definitely used it well as a vehicle to further the plot setup by the first 2 games. The dialogue was a bit longwinded, but it still managed to keep my attention for the most part. I really enjoyed the ending. It left a smile on my face when Samus sent the “Mission Complete” signal to the main ship and headed off with a thumbs-up. It was a pretty cool way to end the series. I did have a few questions though… When Samus defeated the hunters who were corrupted, they were absorbed by dark Samus… so are we to assume they died along with dark Samus? We only saw them for a bit and they became nothing more than some mini bosses… Was that their only purpous in the game? If so, it seemed kind of tacked on. Also, I wondered about the corrupted Aurora unit that fought as the last boss. Was this supposed to be akin to motherbrain? Exactly how did they get a hold of an aurora unit in the first place? Did they clone it after infecting the male aurora unit or did they somehow capture one of the units? If I remember correctly, the prime series takes place a while before the first Metroid game, so are we to think that perhaps another aurora unit becomes what everyone knew as motherbrain? Could dark Samus have taken over a clone of the aurora unit and essentially became THE mother brain and went to zebes??

Hopefully we’ll see either a Metroid prime 4 or a remake of the first game with prime controls and graphics to answer these questions. Bottom line: this game despite a few flaws was great and I enjoyed it thoroughly. It is a great addition to the somewhat small library of really good Wii games, and I highly recommend it for anyone who liked the first Metroid prime or anyone who like a good FPS. I’d give it a 4/5.

LOFLBloog - New blog

Wilford here. Ok, so after a bit of discussion, we decided to move the smaller stuff/viral stuff/games/pictures/video over to a specialized blog. It should be updated a good chunk of the time, if not daily.

Check it out!

LOFLBloog

"The Trap" Documentaries

This series of videos takes a cold hard look at the way the human psyche has come to be a numbed down version of what life once was. Today, most of human affairs are determined by numbers and the humanity is being ripped from life.

This video also made a good point that made me think: Are we humans the ones passing our genes along across the generations or perhaps is it our genes who use the body as a tool to pass themselves along and survive?
The video seems to say otherwise, but I can't help but notice that this thought has well matched the personal theories I have made up from human observation. (lack of free will and behaviorism, etc.)

Before you watch these, you also should watch the drug documentary I posted a short while back, since it gives direct reference to the same set of events.

Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3.1
Episode 3.2
Episode 3.3

The Drugging of our Children Video Documentary

I just watched this video recently and found out the shocking truth behind the drug companies and their drugging of children over the last so many years. I personally took ritalin for a good couple of years, and can't help but wonder what adverse effects it might have had on me. I'm glad I went off it when I did. (I stopped taking it because it was giving me panic attacks.)

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3609599239524875493

VVilford's trip to the Zoo

Jollo, Wilford here again. I just thought I would tell of the fun time I had at the zoo today. A little bit of back info: I HATE CHILDREN. So damn noisy, ugly, stupid and annoying! Anyways, as such, I try to go to the zoo on days when most idiotic parents and their shitheaded little kids are reluctant to go to the zoo, i.e. rainy days, cold days, snowy days etc. Today was perfect, since it was niiiice and cold and dark grey out and only about 60-70 degrees. My absolute favorite kind of weather. It's been almost a month since we had such a nice day like today.

So I leave about an hour after it opens (Watched Beakman's World before I left) and I get there only to find it as busy as any other day! Grr.., whatever. I've been there on worse days, like a few weeks ago to see the new exhibit on a day when it was open late... oh god so many shitty little runts running around... But at least it was a nice day today. They recently made remodel of my favorite part, which is called the northern trail. It has fish, turtles, a mountain lion, owls, etc. AND one of my favorites, a LYNX (that's for another day, hehe)
Anyways, they remodeled the concrete to now look like a massive log cabin. Beforehand, I loved how nice and cold it was in there, since there was open air coming from outside. They made it better by removing the glass and just putting rails and such over it, so now it's totally open aired! They even added a small balcony, which will be awesome in the winter. I can't wait to go there and have it be free of the little shits since IT'S TOO COLD! WAH!... I, however, am immune to the cold. Muhahar. hum.

Anyways, back on track, one of the highlights of the trip was the farm part of the zoo. I first visited the goats in a small area that you can walk in and pet and feed them. I enjoyed feeding them and playing, but I had to be careful, since they liked to try and jump up on me and get their little poo covered hooves on my shirt and trying to chew on my pants. (I actually got a big hole in my shirt one year from those little shits. They're so cute though.)

After that I went up to the chicken coop. It looked like a few of the smaller hens had managed to get out and were running around. I snuck up on it and got it into a corner and grabbed it! it was flailing around wildly but I managed to get it back into the pen. I totally got a Link vibe while doing it, lofl.

After feeding them some leaves, I decided to leave. it began to fricken pour rain at this point, and by the time I had left, my light blue shirt was now dark blue and my hair was completely soaked. I loved it though... I walked very slowly it was so much fun. this summer has been dragging on wayyy too long and it was such a great feeling to be able to be nice and cold and wet again. Ahh, what a great time I had. I'll post some pictures sometime and upload my infamous lynx video to youtube. It's hilarious.

Anyways, it's still early, so I need to do some work. Bye!

Wilford has arrived!

Jollo Everyone!

I am Wilford and I be the founder of the blog. My interests include but are not limited to: Videogames (Nintendo especially), Cats and Kittens, The Legend of Zelda series, Computers and Internets, Anime such as One Piece, Full Metal Alchemist, and Excel Saga, etc. and a plethora of other things. I shall enjoy sharing fun times with all.

-Wilford